


Sharing A Smoke Is What Best Friends Do, Right?

by Papy_1412



Category: Gintama
Genre: A Year Since Gintama Ended Anniversary, Anal Sex, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Come Eating, Facials, Gay Chicken, Gintama manga spoilers, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I AM SERIOUS DO NOT READ IF YOU'VE ONLY WATCHED THE ANIME, I swear, M/M, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred, Spoilers, Stupid Gintama antics, Suicidal Thoughts, Teasing, Tender Sex, They both tease and are teased, What is fourth wall, little comfort tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:47:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24773362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Papy_1412/pseuds/Papy_1412
Summary: "Gintoki wasn’t one to self depreciate. He didn’t regret anything. He didn’t regret meeting Takasugi Shinsuke, nor trying to save him. At this point, it was too late for laments anyway.And yet it hurt."Or, what could've happened after Gintoki learned of Takasugi's fate, on the boat sailing to Edo and their final battle?
Relationships: Sakata Gintoki/Takasugi Shinsuke
Comments: 16
Kudos: 56





	Sharing A Smoke Is What Best Friends Do, Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks a bunch to [Ramen (BlushingTeddybear)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlushingTeddybear/pseuds/Ramen), my very good and sweet friend for the beta!!

As the ship swayed with the waves, Gintoki was softly lulled along with it. He had found a tiny spot in a corner to get some sleep for the night. His clothes still smelled like seawater and blood after fighting against the Tendoshu agents, but he had lived through much, much worse - he only needed to lay down and close his eyes, and everything disappeared.

At least, it usually was the case. With time, he had learnt to get himself comfortable, to stop expecting sudden attacks during the night. Even the last years of fighting for or against his government and going back on the battlefield had gone too fast to bring him back to his old habits of the Joui War. Or of his childhood, strolling the streets, looking for shelter and food, hiding from dogs and government agents.

He was past this fear, past the instinct to catch his weapon when woken up during the night. Too many times, he had seen fear in Kagura’s eyes as she had just been barging into his room to complain about insomnia and had seen him jump out of his bed to put his back against the wall, ready to fight back. He wasn’t like that anymore. He’d grown accustomed to live in peace with himself.

However, this current situation brought too many memories back. He wasn’t sleeping next to Shinpachi or Sadaharu, complaining about the dog’s farts. He wasn’t trying to rest near Tatsuma or Zura, hearing one laugh in his sleep or the other snoring while staring at the ceiling with his eyes wide open. He wasn’t cuddling the warm body of a red-eyed young boy, always silent, always looking at him, but tenderly holding onto his fingers.

It might have been the simple knowledge of Takasugi being so close. He wasn’t scared of his old friend, but, you know, guilt and all of that. He couldn’t sleep. Not for a second. All he saw, all he thought about, was the inescapable truth.

He’d failed. Once more.

Gintoki was no hero, whatever the Jump could say. He had no super power, he didn’t even know anyone, any ally who could save Takasugi’s life. He only knew how to hurt and kill. And as much as he liked thinking about people – one man, always one man – whose words had been enough to save him from poverty and starvation, he was no Yoshida Shouyou. Even this matter was nothing Shouyou, or anyone else, could’ve done anything about.

Takasugi was going to die. Finally, after letting his wounds fester for a decade, he’d be gone.

Gintoki couldn’t stay down any longer. He sighed as loudly as he could in his head, as to not wake up all the men deep in sleep around him – lucky bastards – and stood up to walk to the deck of the boat. Hopefully he’d be alone there, even if staying with his damp clothes in the middle of the wind was his best shot for a pneumonia.

He wished right because he found no one there, not even a guard. They were anchored in the middle of nowhere, at little risk of being surprised by anything other than fishermen. Even the current government was too busy trying to make sense of their dickhead of recently elected prime minister. The crew would be fine, they had to – Takasugi’s army only counted a few men.

This time, a sigh escaped him. And while he didn’t like getting too close to the water, he found that getting lost in the moving blackness around him felt better than reminding himself of the time limit on his friend’s forehead. He was sick of this already, only a few hours after finally learning the truth.

He had to let go. After so many years of bearing the burden, he was forced to drop it.

Gintoki hated all the sugar-coated words Takasugi had given him. He didn’t need Takasugi telling him anything. He didn’t want anyone telling him that _he_ had suffered the most. Who really cared who had it worse? Not him, that’s for sure. What he’d done, he would do it again in a heartbeat. He meant it. Walking upon dead bodies to protect what he felt was right was what he’d always done.

He didn’t need anyone pitying him. He had wanted for his friend to survive, because this was what Shouyou would’ve wanted. Giving one’s life for the sake of one’s children, or disciples, or anyone of the next generation was good enough for him. He’d do it for Kagura and Shinpachi, without even a moment of hesitation.

But Takasugi was different. His death was nothing but the consequences of everything Gintoki had ever done in his life. Getting back on his feet in front of the Marici. Choosing to not run after the Kiheitai leader in the streets of Yoshiwara. Turning his sword in the direction of another flying ship. Decapitating their master’s head. Making a promise he knew he wouldn’t keep. Telling another boy to come back for another duel. Throwing Shouyou’s katana in front of bullies.

Gintoki wasn’t one to self depreciate. He didn’t regret anything. He didn’t regret meeting Takasugi Shinsuke, nor trying to save him. At this point, it was too late for laments anyway.

And yet it hurt.

He let his head fall between his arms, sitting against the railing and slightly shivering because of the cold rain that had started to fall. He remembered staying for hours in this exact position in a prison cell, while waiting for more muscled questioning, and then in a graveyard, waiting for ghosts to take him away. Each time hating himself for how weak he could be, silently thinking that him dying at this instant would bring no grief to anyone.

He’d changed since then. He knew some people were waiting for him, though he might not understand it. However, he was a selfish man as most. And while suicide had never, in his whole life, crossed his mind, he couldn’t deny the appeal in letting himself rot away for a few hours. If it brought him terrible pain or even death, it would probably be fate.

He wondered what Takasugi would do, in the case he came to find him next morning, all frozen after a night under light rain and strong wind. He’d probably throw him off the ship, while muttering about how he would destroy everything anyway so that was one guy to cross off the list. He’d smirk about having won their ongoing duels.

Just the idea pissed him off, so Gintoki brought a hand to his hair and violently got rid of the moisture that started to seep through the thick bangs. Who cared about what Takasugi would think. He’d die too, soon. Surely he would be there to annoy him in hell anyway.

The brutal raking of his hand made him miss the sound of footsteps getting closer. Gintoki stopped, frowning as he recognized the stupid flip-flops in front of his eyes and closed them just in case. Maybe ignoring it long enough would make the pest go away.

“What are you doing.”

Takasugi didn’t even bother with the question mark. The irritation in his voice was enough. Gintoki lowered the hand that was on his head to slip it behind his neck, and he mumbled :

“Showering. I smell like shit.”

“I know, that’s how I deduced the only idiot still awake at this hour could only be you.”

Reluctantly, Gintoki opened his eyes again, because obviously the other one was still right there and it wasn’t the cold giving him hallucinations. His stare went straight to the other’s eye.

“Gimme soap then.”

“Jump in the sea, it will be faster.”

“Oh yeah, good way to get rid of a sea smell.”

“So this is what that bothers you? I would’ve thought you’d finally gotten tired of your sugar breath.”

He shrugged. “I’ve heard no girl complaining.”

“Not my problem if you’re a virgin,” Takasugi stated, and then finally extended his arm to help Gintoki on his feet. Not feeling like refusing that, he found himself easily brought back up.

Their hands didn’t stay in contact longer than that. Gintoki silently lowered his eyes in the direction of the other’s wrist, relaxed now that he wasn’t holding a weapon or his pipe. “How low to make fun of me waiting for true love. Also, any complaints I got from men were usually about anything but my stinky breath.”

That made Takasugi bark a laugh. “That’s what you get from kissing pigs’ asses.”

“Excuse you, one of them was a homeless dude.”

Rolling his eye, Takasugi led their way back inside, not even looking at him anymore. Gintoki hoped that the conversation – if you could even call it that – was finally over. But as they went through a narrow corridor, Takasugi opened the door leading to his own personal room and caught the hem of the Yorozuya's yukata to drag him inside. That’s what he got for finally wearing it correctly.

“The fuck do you want,” he mumbled. “You’re saying I smell like shit.”

“And it’s gonna stay like this if you don’t take off your dirty-ass clothes and clean yourself like a human being.”

There were a few things Gintoki didn’t want at this moment. One of them was to spend more time with Takasugi. It hurt enough already. Another was to strip in front of him, shedding his shallow armor, and for what, exactly? Cleaning himself? Bullshit, he’d gone sometimes weeks without a bath during the war.

And still. He felt like complaining would be playing Takasugi’s game. Just the thought of showing how embarrassed that could make him feel was irritating. And he knew something about annoying someone to the point of them pleading for him to leave them alone. He lifted his eyebrows, whistled a little while bringing his hand to his belt and slowly undoing the buckle. “Well, well, Takasugi-kun, so straightforward… all this talk about my kisses, and now you’re telling me to strip? Scandalous.”

He saw Takasugi’s eyelids thinning out, clearly nonplussed with the innuendos. But as stubborn as Gintoki was, Takasugi had not been his rival for nothing, because he didn’t back out. “Yes, I am. Got a problem with that?”

It was hard to refrain a true tsukkomi reaction, _“no shit I got a problem with that!!”_ but Gintoki just tightened his lips together and lowered a challenging gaze to his friend, daring him to keep up with it. He finished taking off his belt, and slid his hand inside his yukata until his shoulder was uncovered. He kept his hand on his pectoral, playing bashful.

“Gin-san didn’t know you liked him that way, that is all.” He fluttered his eyelashes and finally raised a sleeve to hide the bottom of his face, no fingers showing behind the cloth, like he would do when he worked for Saigou. “Wanna wash my back?”

Silence suddenly felt heavy. The two men stared at each other, waiting for one of them to finally drop the hot potato. Takasugi took a step closer. He lowered his eye to the floor between them.

And then made a beeline to Gintoki, slamming a hand on the wall behind him, the other one catching the hem of the yukata to finally make it fall. A shiver raced along Gintoki’s back, and, at last, he yielded.

“Ok, ok, I’m out! You know gay chicken isn’t supposed to go that far, right?”

A large smile took over Takasugi’s face, and it wasn’t a nice one. It was sadistic pleasure, in seeing red all over his annoying friend’s face, squirming under him.

“I still won.”

Too occupied with the face way too close for comfort, Gintoki didn’t notice that Takasugi’s hand had gone on a journey, from releasing his yukata to playfully slide up and squeeze a cold nipple between his fingertips. He even got a yelp out of that.

That was it for Gintoki. He was strong and knew all about using his friend’s blind spot against him, so he used his leg to kick the other in his very exposed shin, and his other hand caught Takasugi’s arm when he recoiled in pain. In a few seconds, they had changed positions, though Gintoki was certainly in no mood to joke anymore.

“You asshole, my nip hurts!”

“You think my shin doesn’t?!”

“I don’t care, you should’ve seen it coming!” he grunted. “What do you want with me anyway? Just fuck off. You might not care anymore since you’re almost completely dead; but I do!”

Takasugi stared at him, pushing back on the hands pressing against his plexus.

“You do what? Care about what happens to me?”

“I already _know_ what’s gonna happen to you, you piece of shit, and now I just want you to drop the act! How I feel about it all is my problem, not yours.”

A dry laugh escaped the corpse that used to be his friend. A sneer, directly thrown at his face, for being so weak.

“Where do you want to go? Outside, to catch a cold when we’re fighting in a few days? To brood by yourself? I didn’t know Sakata Gintoki was that pitiful of a man.”

“Should’ve looked harder.”

Gintoki finally released his hold on Takasugi, not even bothering with taking his yukata back. It was true it smelled terrible, and if it could make the room unbearable then good. He turned to the door, about to finally walk out of this hellhole, when he heard it :

“Gintoki.”

This voice was too familiar. It wasn’t the one of his childhood friend, when he was about to tell him how tiresome he was. It wasn’t the one of the madman who kept spouting cliched taglines about the world burning or whatever. It was the one of his friend, desperately trying to keep him from using his sword against the man they both loved more than the entire world. It was Takasugi begging him to stop, and let him die instead. It was Takasugi finally asking him _why_ , so many years later.

“I know you don’t want to talk, about anything. Even less with me. But stay here tonight, at least.” He swallowed, shamefully looking away and hiding the dark ring under his only eye. “We don’t have to say a goddamn word to each other. You don’t even have to sleep. I just…” His fists clenched, like he was disgusted by what he was about to say. “I don’t like sleeping alone, these last months. Don’t even bother asking why. Just stay.”

Gintoki hated that. This soft spot inside of him, that could win over his entire body screaming at him to get out, away from the man incarnating the biggest mistake of his life. He slowly turned around, taking a quick look at his old friend glowering at him.

“That’s it? Still out of question marks?”

“Yes. Please.”

It was hard to hide his surprise when he heard the word. Takasugi wasn’t one to beg. He took, and took, with no care. It might not even be sincere.

But he really couldn’t fight against this lowest of blows.

Gintoki released his hold on the door handle, softly sighing. He went to take back his yukata, but couldn’t help letting a disgusted sound break out of his throat. “You got a spare or something?”

“I’d have to walk across the deck.”

From what he could hear, the rain had started falling harder outside. Still, Gintoki didn’t dare touch the wet yukata, and went to stand near the little heater in the corner of the room. He still had a dark tunic on him, but he really felt naked with his legs only barely covered by his underwear. He thought of Takasugi giving him his jacket, but almost gagged at the idea. Way too sweet of a gesture, also he would really feel like a lady on the aftermath of lovemaking, lazing around in her partner’s larger shirt.

The other man just gave him the sheet that was covering his bed. He could complain, but this was better than nothing. Also, Takasugi could sleep under his coat. It was fine.

Anyway, his old friend didn’t seem like he wanted to sleep either. He sat down on his thin futon, one hand clenching as if he needed a smoke. That reminded Gintoki of something, and he went to rummage around his discarded yukata. He found the box he was looking for, and threw it on the bed, just next to Takasugi.

“I stole those from Mayonnaise. Take them.”

Takasugi raised an eyebrow, but he still took the Mayoboro pack to inspect it. He didn’t even bother asking why he stole them, he knew Gintoki would do anything to bother the policeman.

“They must be completely wet. And I don’t like cigarettes. It stains my fingers.”

“Just check them, jeez. And you can take the tobacco out, or whatever. I’ve never liked smoking anyway, it removes the taste of sweets.”

Takasugi didn’t answer, he just opened the pack and checked them. Visibly satisfied, he took his pipe out of his sleeve and squeezed until the herb was out. Then he stuffed it inside and went to sit next to Gintoki, giving him matches so that he could help him lighting it up.

“Can’t do it by yourself? Who was doing that for you? Blondie? Bansai? Don’t tell me it was Kamui, I wouldn’t believe you.”

He brought the flame to the pipe’s end, watching his friend inhale and finally exhale the smoke.

“I can do it alone just fine. I just like taking advantage of your credulity.”

Gintoki should’ve seen it coming, so he kept quiet, while putting out the fire and then throwing the match away. Takasugi stayed there, sitting on the floor next to him, silently smoking. He put some tobacco back a few times, and everytime, he asked Gintoki to light it for him. He didn’t even try refusing.

Takasugi had taken the empty pack as an ashtray, and turned his pipe to finally empty it. He snickered.

“Last one I smoke, I guess.”

“Can’t help but try making your life shorter, huh.”

“Look who’s talking.”

A simple smile answered him. Gintoki tried to look away, but his eyes just gazed back to his friend, suddenly looking so frail under his big coat. He’d seen the strength that was still in those arms, when they had fought earlier, when he’d brought him back on his feet, or pushed him against the wall he was currently sitting against. Takasugi was still strong, ready to fight. But he looked so small at this instant, and he wasn’t even standing up.

“You talked about my sugar smelling mouth before, but it’s surely better than tasting like an ashtray.”

If Takasugi was surprised to see the topic return, he barely showed it.

“So you don’t kiss that Mayonnaise of yours? I’d almost pity him.”

Gintoki frowned. He turned the sentence around in his head, but nothing came up except for :

“Uh, what?”

“What?” Silence started stretching between them, Takasugi blinking with his only eyelid, hard enough Gintoki was almost scared he’d hurt himself. “You said it yourself, just before.”

He opened his mouth, trying to repress his urge to yell and wake everyone. So he settled for angry whispers, “Why would it be Hijikata?!”

“How would I know, it just seemed logical.” His eye suddenly got wide and he shuffled back. “Don’t tell me it’s that sadistic kid. He was fucking eighteen the last time you saw him.”

“Fuck no! Did you miss out on the OVA or something? I clearly fucked the gorilla, even though it’s supposed to be a comedy bit and all, and he said he couldn’t get it up, still–”

Takasugi raised a hand to make him stop. He wasn’t even looking at him anymore.

“The image is gonna make me barf. Please forget you said anything to me, it never happened. I don’t want to know.”

“So what, it’s fine if I fuck mayora, but gorilla is out of bounds?”

“Shut up. Knowing about the homeless guy was enough.”

Gintoki let out a disgusted sound, not so fond of the memory either. Takasugi had already turned his head away, lowered his pipe, running from this terrifying discussion. Gintoki happily let him, throwing the box of matches away and settling himself against the wooden wall. He watched his friend turn off the lantern sitting next to his futon and then lay on his mattress, using his coat as a cover. Gintoki only saw the closed eyelid from where he sat, and burrowed himself deeper in his sheet. It was time to rest. Hopefully he’d get some sleep this time. They didn’t bother exchanging any words before dozing off.

Surprisingly, Gintoki actually managed to catch some Z's this time. He, too, might have needed the company, who knows. It might have been the warmth finally coming back to him, so close to the heater, in a small closed room he shared with another person. It might have been the brief but exhausting exchange, of him letting go and finally sharing a little bit.

He never got used to that. Babbling about bullshit and bitching was easy. Explaining, or just mentioning a feeling wasn’t. He didn’t really know how to do that. Shouyou had never really tried it either, and he’d lost him before they had time for deeper conversations.

It was fine, really. He had never talked about his feelings of any sorts with Shouyou, but he’d learnt to express himself just fine. He knew how to share his opinion in the most straightforward way. He knew how to fight with swords, as well as with his own words. And honestly, while it sometimes felt like barely enough, he didn’t think of it as such a terrible flaw. If he’d ever regretted not being able to truly say how much he cared about the other Yorozuyas, he now knew they didn’t care that much about it.

He guessed he could still try. It would probably make them freak out, but being a better person was something you could work on for your entire life. After leaving them for two years, and finding himself in the situation his teacher had come to live, he better understood the importance of sharing. The kids deserved to be loved, aloud.

He had probably slept for only an hour or less, but it was still on his mind when he woke up. It was the hardest thing to admit, but beginning to share with one of his oldest friend could be a start. He actually had no idea what he could tell him. He truly felt like everything had already been said, though maybe not with the best words.

But he guessed he could still try. Even if Takasugi found that terrible, he wouldn’t live for long anyway. That would be less shameful. Gintoki opened his eyes, trying to see if his friend was still awake, or if it would have to wait for the next day.

Takasugi was standing less than twenty centimeters in front of him, looking down at him. His eyelids still a little heavy, it took him a second to notice and react. Too late. Takasugi dropped on one knee, raised his arms.

His hands circled his throat, and squeezed, pushing him against the floor.

Gintoki immediately woke up, his eyes wide and shocked, his arms stuck in his sheet. Takasugi didn’t bat a lash, as he went to straddle him, one cold and dead pupil glaring at him. He quickly switched and used his forearm to push against Gintoki’s neck, the other one pressing on his arm to keep him from fighting back.

A cold sweat rolled along Gintoki’s neck. He knew all about that stare. It wasn’t his friend trying to kill him. It was Utsuro.

That made any doubt disappear. He used his upper strength to throw away his assailant, enough to liberate his legs and tackle him back. Surprise showed in the monster’s eye, and he seethed while a cruel smile pulled at his lips. Even in such a position, he soon understood that Gintoki wouldn’t fight more, wouldn’t truly hurt him. He went back to claw at his enemy’s skin, like his nails would be enough to slit open his carotide.

“ _So weak. Always so weak. Unable to just kill me on the spot._ ”

However, Gintoki had never been scared of Utsuro. Even after first meeting him. He mustered his coldest glare, disgusted just by seeing the monster pretending to be his old friend, and hissed :

“You don’t deserve to find peace using this body.”

 _“I won’t leave. My altana is in him. I’ll always be there, until the end.”_ Utsuro snickered and lifted his head, enough to whisper in Gintoki’s ear. _“This is inevitable, disciple of Shouyou. You couldn’t save your teacher. And you won’t save your friend either.”_

He didn’t have time to answer. The body went slack in his arms. The legs still around him, while blocked by his arms, stopped pressing against his sides. The hand around his bruised neck lost any power.

The eye stared at him, fear darkening his heavy rings. A cough also escaped him, then a trembling breath. And a small voice :

“Sorry.”

“You okay?” That made him cough too. He could feel the burn, now that tension was lowering. “You’re not gonna die on my lap, are you?”

Takasugi visibly swallowed and didn’t repress the rolling of his eye. He slowly got down, flexing his fingers to possibly get his blood running again. However, he didn’t go far, settling against the wall, and still catching his breath.

“I’m alright. It happens.”

Gintoki mentally replied that if that was the case, it would’ve been nice to warn him. He lifted his hand to his throat and winced, knowing the strangulation attempt would definitely show tomorrow.

“Who did he try to murder the last times?” Takasugi stayed silent. His eye was just staring at his own hands, barely lighten up by the porthole. He wasn’t planning to answer him. “That’s why you barely have soldiers?”

“He didn’t go after any of them. If I don’t sleep, he can’t come out.”

“So what, you exhaust yourself to the point he can’t even use your body against you? Seems rough. Pretty sadistic of you to give me the honor.”

“I thought that you could handle it. And you did.”

“Still could’ve warned me.”

Head lowered, shoulders still traversed by spasms, Takasugi opened his mouth. It took him a while to finally let the words out.

“He was right, though. Why don’t you just kill me? If I die, Utsuro will finally vanish. Sooner or later, what does it change?”

“Don’t be an asshole. I won’t kill you.”

He insisted, “Why?”. Gintoki finally caught his gaze, pupil bright in the color of the moon. He was frowning, even less joking around. “Tell me why. I tried to gut you many times. You're just respecting Shouyou’s wish? Stop with the vanilla bullshit. Tell me the truth.”

“Go to hell, I don’t care.”

“You already killed Shouyou,” he said, anger lowering his voice to an ice-cold tone. “So what does it change? Tell me fucking why, Gintoki!”

He immediately turned his head away. Gintoki didn’t want to look at Takasugi anymore. He wanted to leave the room, to be alone and stop talking about all of this. How could he explain what he didn’t understand? Takasugi had done nothing to earn an answer. He was allowed to keep this struggle for himself.

However, a hand came to catch the front of the sheet, and brutally brought him closer, too close for comfort. Gintoki barely fought against it, trying desperately to keep his face hidden in the shadows on the room.

It was too real, suddenly. Takasugi didn’t care about dying. He had already accepted it. A decade ago, while watching his war comrade destroying everything they had tried to protect, he had been ready. He would have died for Shouyou. He would have forgiven Gintoki’s tears.

And he definitely wouldn’t accept those, a real betrayal of all they had gone through, all they were still fighting for. Gintoki had made a choice, had stood up and kept going. He wasn’t allowed to hesitate now.

“Stop that.”

“Release me.”

“You have no right to cry for me. It’s not fair. You lost that right a long time ago.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

Gintoki tried clearing his throat, wiping the traitorous tears dripping on his cheek. It wouldn’t stop. It was such a betrayal from his own body, he couldn’t even be truly mad at Takasugi. He would have been furious too.

“I would kill you if I could, Takasugi. You know that. But I can’t.” He lifted a hand to his hair and squeezed, as if the pain would keep the wrenching feeling away. “I _can’t_.”

Takasugi, sitting just a few centimeters away, kept his hold on the sheet covering his shoulders. He refrained himself from lashing out, from punching his old friend in the face.

“You’re a hero, aren’t you? I thought those were supposed to smile.”

“What’s this about? I definitely ain’t one.”

A bitter laugh escaped him, while he used his wrist to wipe his face, his nose, finally releasing the sheet around his shoulders.

“I’m not this country’s hero, I’m not a weekly magazine’s hero either. The fuck is a hero anyway. A savior? Someone people will applaud for their deeds? Bullshit. There’s only people deciding to do what they feel is right or wrong. Anyone can do it, and another guy will think they’re doing it for good or bad, there’s no true answer.”

Gintoki exhaled in an annoyed breath, showing his face again, but still keeping his eyes away from Takasugi’s stare.

“So what if I’ve ever been someone’s hero? Shouyou was mine, and yours, so what? He was family before all. I don’t care if he ever cried or not. All I needed was for him to love us, and know that he’d do everything for his students. And he did. That is what matters. No need for such big words.”

A hand went to his jaw, clenched it and forced him to finally look back. Takasugi was still frowning, and while it took him a few seconds, he said, without any hesitation but a softer voice. “You were my hero, Gintoki. Even with your own definition. And you still are.”

Red eyes widened. He blinked, trying to understand what his friend really meant.

When Takasugi forced him to lean down, and kissed him, he understood. He had meant _that_ kind of love.

He didn’t respond, he didn’t even have enough time to think about if he should’ve or not. Takasugi separated their lips too quickly and growled, his hot breath fanning over his suddenly very warm face.

“But you can’t save me. You can just watch. And not fucking cry. Not again.”

Gintoki gritted his teeth, still wide-eyed, and heart beating like crazy under all the scars. Suddenly, making a decision felt really simple.

He dove back, hard. A moan escaped Takasugi as his lower lip was being angrily bitten, and a hand found its way to his hairline, squeezing. Barely moving away, Gintoki grunted.

“Then I’ll be a hero later, I guess.”

Takasugi went right back to his mouth, hungry for more. His breath was uneven, but he still mustered enough strength to crawl them both to the thin mattress, straddling his friend while he felt his own yukata falling off his shoulder, and his neck attacked by an impatient mouth.

From this position, his only eye could barely see anything other than silver hair. He went to grab it, and shivered while feeling the rough locks under his palm. So wild and shiny in the moonlight, the shade of silver had haunted his dreams as far as he could remember.

Gintoki panted, as his hand felt countless scars while running along the back of his old comrade. Not once in his life had he imagined being in this situation. He had been with a few men and women in an intimate setting. He had sometimes imagined this type of things with some of the many attractive people he counted as his friends, because it was things that happened, there was no shame in that.

But Takasugi had always been off-limits, it seemed. There was too much blood and heavy feelings between them. He couldn’t see the guy in any sexual way. Even during the war, when they spent the most time together and were young boys just finding out about sex. Still, it suddenly felt so right.

Who cared if Gintoki actually preferred boobs over dicks. It didn’t matter. The man in his arms, too rough and hardened all over, felt better than anyone he’d ever held. He had been looking for ways to express feelings earlier, and while he’d prefer dying over imagining his kids this way; he happily accepted this sudden change with Takasugi.

It was just so hard to say anything to him. There was too much in the air to really have a discussion and make it meaningful without having to punch each other at one point.

“You do taste like an ashtray…” he murmured against the other man’s lips, bringing back their faces closer to each other. “And I can’t believe I actually like it.”

A shudder travelled along Takasugi’s arms, and he let the tongue invade his mouth, probably to keep him from talking more. However, Gintoki suddenly wanted to talk. To keep on making him shiver, and groan, and jerk against him. If honesty had this effect on Takasugi, he’d be a fool to not take advantage of it.

Letting his hand caress his friend’s back and slip under his boxers, he snickered in the kiss. He went straight for it, squeezing a cheek with his hand. Takasugi gasped, and couldn’t help but whine when lips went to whisper in his ear :

“You sound so fucking good. Did you hope for it to happen during the war? Or maybe even before? Did you fuck yourself while thinking of me? I surely hope I could’ve thought about it earlier. Looks like I missed on something.”

“Shut up– _ah!_ ” he growled, until a full on thrust against his clothed erection made him cry out in pleasure. Takasugi caught his biceps, almost scratching his skin while trying to stay silent – and failing.

Gintoki felt lightheaded. Everything felt way too good. He didn’t want to ever let go. His heart felt full, and a pang hurt his stomach. It wouldn’t happen again, after all.

He shook his head and went for revenge for earlier and for submitting himself to such a stupid idea. Gintoki sat on his knees, tackling Takasugi so that he leaned back and gave him free access to his chest. He actually moaned as soon as he felt the tongue against his nipple, instinctively pushing it against the wet mouth, silently begging for more. His face was so red, he looked like he was about to faint, mouth open, lips all swollen, one shiny eye.

Gintoki went at it for as long as he could, feeling himself harden. Every needy whimper made him hornier. He changed sides, latching unto the other pink nub while also teasing the now lubricated one with a hard pinch.

He would’ve gone a lot more softly with anybody else, especially for a first time together. But there was too much between them, and so little time. Also, since Takasugi had so sincerely agreed to it, he had no reason to restrain himself. Gintoki had always liked it a little hard, and while he saw the appeal of a more tender embrace, he’d never found nor looked for anyone that would fit that profile. And even now, as he finally used his teeth and appreciated the jump of hips under his – he was quite satisfied with what he had.

Finally, Takasugi lost patience. He gritted through his teeth :

“ _Mmh_ , you– _fuck_ – will you ever fucking stop?”

Gintoki smiled at that, popping off of the trembling nub, but still swirling his tongue around it.

“Why should I? You like it.”

“I’m getting tired of your boob fetish, just fuck me already.”

A sadistic smile took over Gintoki’s lips. He bit down, and Takasugi didn’t have enough time to hide the sound behind his hand.

He was heaving, supposedly recovering for the shock of pleasure that had made him bow his back, shiny nipples pointing towards the ceiling. Gintoki slowly moved to the middle of his chest, trailing his lips and tongue between the two pectorals and progressively going downwards. He kept the nipples between his index fingers and thumbs, enjoying the full on shivers that couldn’t stop raking over his friend’s body.

He finally let them go with one last squeeze, switching his focus on the erection poking at his chin. His eyes never left Takasugi’s face, though, as he used his hand to stroke over the fabric, tasting the little wet spot that had formed near the head. That made Takasugi jerk up, still hiding behind his hand. One more victory for him.

It still wasn’t enough. Gintoki wanted his friend to lose his mind completely and reduce him to a trembling and honest mess. He wanted to hear him beg, see him cry. He might even go as far as to wish for appreciative words. Takasugi had pretty much just confessed that he’d been hoping for this to happen, who knows for how long. Gintoki wanted to know everything, from Takasugi's own mouth.

Luckily, even if he was all muscles, Takasugi was still lighter than he looked. His arms and legs were toned but he had kept a thin figure. This was why it was easy for Gintoki - bigger in every aspects - to circle his arms from his friend’s lower back to his middle and lift his entire lower body up. Sitting on his knees, Gintoki drove his face between Takasugi’s legs, smirking as he felt them kicking from the sudden change of position.

“Stop dicking around!”

In a second, Gintoki had lowered the other man's underwear and started stroking his shaft, hiding his smile on the thigh cradling his head. He kept his movement slow, lightly circling around the wet tip, playing with the foreskin. Takasugi had to lower his arms too, keeping balance on the futon, and his shins pressing on Gintoki’s back.

His lips finished sucking on his inner thigh, enjoying the few bruises he’d left behind. Takasugi was all red, probably because of the blood rushing to his head in this position, but also from all the whimpers he was trying to repress. It made him feel so powerful, seeing his friend like that. He brushed his lips against his balls. Another jolt. He finally removed the underwear, letting it constrict the knees behind his head. A shiver. A lick along the perineum. More groans.

And then it was it. Takasugi, fed up with Gintoki playing with him, twisted his hips fast enough to make his friend tumble on his knees. He was forced to lower an arm to not lose his balance and then made him lose his grip, leaving himself open for a counterattack. It didn’t take more than a minute for Takasugi to be victorious of the little brawl that followed, which ended with Takasugi smirking down at him, straddling Gintoki’s shoulders.

In this position, there was nothing he could do, except risking breaking his own neck. Takasugi knew that, and this feeling of superiority would have made him even harder if it was even possible. It was time for payback. The smaller man took his length in hand, and lowered himself until he was pressing his tip on opened lips.

“If you bite, I’ll kill you myself.”

Gintoki just stared at him, not really impressed. He chuckled, “Why would I do that, seems pretty counterintuitive. I have a very nice view,” he added. And then immediately went to envelop his lips around the shiny red head.

Takasugi whimpered. His hand clenched on the yukata still barely hanging on his shoulder. The other one went to burrow itself into silver locks, pulling a little, and he started moving his hips.

Gintoki’s face was now all red, eyes closed, happy to be used this way. He moaned, creating vibrations around Takasugi’s dick and looking like he’d been waiting for this all along. Takasugi tried to keep himself in check, and not really hurt his friend, but going deeper was so easy. He honestly started wondering how many cocks Gintoki had sucked in his life.

He slowly opened his eyelids again, staring at Takasugi without an ounce of shame. Red eyes bore into him, while he slowly breathed through his nose. He ran his tongue along the length with every stroke, sucking on the tip on every occasion, not caring at all about the dirty sounds escaping out of his throat.

Takasugi released his mouth when the heat started being too high, the clenching in his lower stomach stronger. Gintoki just took it as a leeway for more teasing, bringing his hands around his friend’s asscheeks and going back to sucking. A gasp escaped Takasugi, and when he forcefully removed himself again, fearing his incoming orgasm, he heard :

“Aww, come on now. Don’t you want to come all over my face? You look like you would.”

Gintoki didn’t wait for an answer, opening his mouth and letting his tongue rest just under the tip while starting to stroke. That got Takasugi shivering, almost ripping off a lock of hair by how hard he was pulling at it.

“Pervert…” he whined, as he started to definitely lose control over himself, giving into the sensations and the rising fire inside of him.

Gintoki quickly removed the hand that was playing with one of his buttcheeks, and used the two to stroke him off, one around the base, the other near the head. However, he surprisingly didn’t keep it there for a long time and Takasugi understood why very soon - the hand that had returned to his bottom was now lubricated with saliva and precum. As soon as Gintoki started to use his thumb to swirl around his hole, he was done for.

Takasugi bucked forward, spending himself on the waiting mouth, on the round lips, even going up to a cheekbone. Still looking at him straight in the eyes, Gintoki swallowed, while his friend was hiding his bliss behind his bangs. At one point, Takasugi kneeled back, jerking away from the two hands terrorizing him. Too bad he didn’t think moving to Gintoki’s lap was basically giving up his control to the asshole smirking under him.

Takasugi was still a little numb, having so little time to recover after his orgasm, and yet Gintoki didn't stop touching him, returning to kissing and licking his red nipples just to spite him. He let his head fall on the top of the frizzy hair, like a cushion to hide all the high sounds coming out of him. The feeling of a wet appendage against his chest added to the index finger thrusting in and out of him was too much to handle now. He didn’t think about it – he started mouthing around Gintoki’s temple, his ear, inhaling his scent.

Gintoki knew he was doing good because Takasugi wasn’t even trying to restrain himself anymore. He would’ve definitely complained when he started flicking at the tender nips, but he’d stopped talking. And hey, the Yorozuya could feel his friend already getting hard again, that was good enough for him in terms of consent.

Still, he found himself facing a quite dire situation. He had no lube. He obviously hadn’t been travelling around with a bottle, and Takasugi didn’t seem the type to do so either. He didn’t want to break him off his trance, but he had asked for Gintoki to fuck him and he lived to please. So he took his mouth off of the red nub to lay his cheek against his friend’s, removing his finger too.

“Do you have lube, or something?” he asked quietly.

It took a few seconds for Takasugi to wake up from his state. He swallowed and cleared his throat as the arm around his chest, the slow caress of fingers along his arms, helped him soothe his breathing.

“I… guess I have some lotion. I usually use it for my sword, though.”

Gintoki repressed a smile, and a laugh. But he couldn’t keep himself from answering : “Well it should be fine. I am indeed about to sheathe my sword.”

The back of his head got slapped as Takasugi tried to get up but failed with how numb his legs were. Gintoki ruffled his hair and went to get it by himself, quickly guessing where actual lube or vaseline could be in such a barren room.

When he came back with some muscle massage oil (it made sense Takasugi would have some, that guy was probably in a comatose state for half of the manga), he lightly pushed Takasugi so that he would lay on his back, removing his friend’s yukata to slip it under his hips. All that care – would he even dare to call it tenderness – made Takasugi raise his eyebrows. The smaller man decided asking wouldn’t hurt, especially now that the tension and heat between them had dropped down.

“You do that often?”

“I’m always a gentleman, even when I can’t remember their name.”

“I meant with men.”

That made Gintoki pause, the bottle in his hand about to cover his fingers.

“I haven’t done anything for awhile,” he admitted. “I’d say it’s still around 50/50.”

“During the war?”

He laughed, “Like you wouldn’t have noticed if I had. Nah. I kinda stopped after having Kagura around. But being a Yorozuya by myself used to be pretty lonely, you know.”

Gintoki didn’t say more. He didn’t talk about how sometimes, he just needed a warm body in order to remind himself that he was alive, that in his new world, no one knew him, no one hated him. It helped with the hard nights, though he sometimes freaked the fuck out of his partners. At this time, he truly didn’t care about who, or how. He also let himself bottom a few times, this was the reason he knew a little about how to make it as comfortable to a partner as possible, regardless of their gender. He would’ve liked real lube, though.

Takasugi slowly blinked. And then added, so low Gintoki could have easily missed it, “I guess I could be glad about how everything went down, if it means I get a good fuck as my last.”

While the innuendo didn’t stay well with him, the dark humor behind the words made Gintoki smirk. “So I’m good, huh… such a compliment coming from you, that’s new.”

“You clearly know your way around sucking cock, that’s all.”

“Meanwhile you seem to know a lot about opening your legs.”

“Shut up.”

The sentence was actually pronounced with a lot of genuine affection. Gintoki leaned down to gently kiss his lips, while his now lubed fingers went back between Takasugi’s thighs to tease his hole again.

He took his time fingering him in order to be sure the oil did its job. They kept on kissing each other enthusiastically, all the while keeping it slower than the first time. Takasugi opened his mouth and let out a deep breath when a second and then third finger went inside of him. He accompanied the movement, while his hands hugging his friend finally undressed him. As soon as Gintoki was bare of any clothes, Takasugi started running his hands on the broad back, caressing scars, recognizing some he had left himself. He remembered his blade piercing through his left forearm, and stroke over the old wound with his thumb, then his lips. Finally, he saw Gintoki’s eyes wide open, looking at him, almost lost when faced with such gentleness.

The Yorozuya ducked, kissing his friend’s neck, using his free hand to thumb over a nipple. Not abusing it anymore, he kept a slow rhythm, just to make Takasugi’s breath deeper. He went down like he couldn’t even resist and kissed it again. Now that he knew how sensitive those were, he had no reason to stop. The hand cradling his head seemed to agree.

“You alright?” Gintoki asked, breathless and softly stroking his friend’s inner walls.

“Mmh,” Takasugi answered.

“I’m gonna a real answer, Shinsuke-kun.”

Takasugi threw his head back, and sighed. His eye finally lowered to the sincere look Gintoki was giving him. That made him smirk a little.

“Do your worst, Shiroyasha.”

Gintoki raised his eyebrows, but also started smiling. He got his fingers out of his friend, and used it to lube himself up, then to bring his length to the waiting hole. But his hips stayed put, as he got lost into his thoughts, brushing the dark hair away from Takasugi’s eyes. He kissed the closed eyelid. Then he whispered :

“I’ll miss you, you know.”

Some shame gripped at Takasugi’s stomach. He answered under his breath, trying to not evade the stare.

“...me too.”

Gintoki breathed heavily to refrain a choked up sob. He bit his lower lip, kissed his friend’s eyebrow, and finally pushed inside.

He knew he shouldn’t have said that. Takasugi wanted comfort, and he had done pretty good to keep the façade until then. He didn’t know why exactly the words escaped him at this precise moment. He also didn’t know what kind of answer he’d been hoping for.

The whine next to his ear got Gintoki out of his thoughts. His cock was almost halfway in and Takasugi had closed his eyelid, his member already back to full hardness. Gintoki started stroking him again, at least to help him focus on something else than the penetration.

When he finally felt his balls pressed on the other’s ass, he let out a long appreciative sigh. He looked at Takasugi who was all red, the corner of his eye a little wet, his hair in disarray around him. He released his dick because he didn’t want him to finish too soon. They needed to enjoy this for as long as they could.

Gintoki hugged Takasugi’s middle, helping him in getting more comfortable on his lap, and started thrusting. He heard his breathe getting heavier, and an appreciative sigh. They were moving together, Takasugi’s arms now lying above him and crossing his legs around Gintoki’s. 

Meanwhile, Gintoki was in heaven. He had barely touched himself this entire time, and the wet and tight grip around him was wonderful. While his bisexuality was almost public knowledge, he tried keeping his preference for anal sex to himself. Sometimes, girls looked at him weirdly if he asked to “use their back door” – the wording way have been the biggest problem. Sometimes, they thought he was toying with them and running away from his taste in men.

He didn’t actually know if that was true – he definitely liked girls, the curves, the higher voices. What he didn’t want was the risk of finding himself in the need of taking _his responsibilities_ , another kid in his arms while his lifestyle was too fucked up for him to have another burden to bear. Also, he might have just been scared of transmitting his genes. How do you explain to a kid that he’s gonna live in the risk of being kidnapped, taken hostage, just because his dad was not that good of a person.

Also, Gintoki enjoyed anal more, it was as simple as that.

But man, was it different to fuck Takasugi than it had been with any man or woman he’d been in bed with. He knew Takasugi’s name. He’d been raised along with him. He could easily read him. This was someone he had feelings for – may they be positive or negative. One of the most important person of his life.

It felt so good to be the one giving him such an intimate kind of pleasure. His heart was beating loudly in his chest with every shiver, every little smile, and every time Takasugi lost control over his voice.

“ _Haah_ , Gintoki, here–”

He loved to hear his friend call his name. He loved feeling his rough hands bringing them closer. He loved the true affection shining in his sole eye. Gintoki felt his resolve crumble and started thrusting harder, all the while pressing his lips to Takasugi’s and feeling his every moans inside of him.

“Fuck, Takasugi, you feel so damn good.”

A hand gripped the back of Gintoki’s head and buried it in the angle of a shoulder. A swear escaped Takasugi when the length pressed right on his prostate, again.

“You too.”

“If I had known, I– _shit_ , I would’ve done it every day.”

A low laugh answered him.

“When?”

Takasugi’s eye was shining. He was enjoying the mild rhythm going on, a fire burning, burning inside him, waiting for more fuel. Gintoki exhaled and went back to teasing his friend, pressing his mouth against an ear to murmur :

“You tell me, you were the one fantasizing about it.”

Takasugi waited a minute to humidify his lips, coming back down a little, all the while they just kept to a slow grind. He finally said :

“In the tent we shared, before the fight in Yashima.” He smirked. “It was rainy season, so it was really hot and you decided to just remove all your clothes.” Gintoki hummed, and jerking his hips. “I thought about doing the same and then of you taking advantage of me. It was raining so hard, no one would’ve heard us.”

This time, a real moan rewarded him and the rhythm of Gintoki's hips got faster, harder.

“More,” he whined. Takasugi gladly obliged, the heat in his gut too good to stop now.

“I imagined our life if we hadn’t lost Shouyou. With us still having duels, until I won and asked for you to suck me as a celebration.”

“ _Fuck_.”

“I imagined finding you exhausted after battle, covered in blood, and letting you do whatever you wanted with me, covering my face with red and white.”

“Yes–”

“W, When we met again on Rakuyo. I wanted to kill this Shinsengumi guy when he just took you to the police station a few days ago, too. Also, when you thought I was playing gay chicken… And you would have agreed to all of it, huh?”

A full on laugh escaped Gintoki.

“God, you’re so fucked up.”

“Am I wrong?”

Gintoki shook his head, still grinning. He slid his fingers through the dark thin hair, and muttered :

“I don’t know. Probably not.”

Takasugi kissed him right on the lips, sucked on his tongue, groaning. When they separated, though, he hissed, “No more talking now.”

Gintoki answered with a nod, adjusting his grip on his friend’s hips to start thrusting again. He felt his eyes slightly wet but didn’t bother with it. His balls would explode if he didn’t start moving soon. He went right back at it, probably a little bit too hard, but the appreciative voice under him was not complaining at all.

He got lost in his head, thinking. The Yorozuya could’ve had that. The man’s arms tight around him, in the mornings just before work, quietly going down on him as to not wake up Kagura. Seeing two eyes brightening up as Gintoki went to check up on his partner as he and the kids came back from a job, just to say hi. Takasugi a teacher, following Shouyou’s path, telling his students to keep on working while he went outside the dojo for a breather. The swordsman smiling sincerely at Shinpachi as he explained what today’s lesson was about, and if he wanted him to teach him later. Takasugi going back home in Kabuki-cho an hour before midnight, a little red in the cheeks after hanging out with friends after work. Still him closing the bathroom door behind them and pushing Gintoki’s face against the wall, taking him from behind. Them falling asleep in the same bed, bitching for the cover, kicking in their sleep.

It was too late for regrets. He could only get that. An unprepared quickie with weird lube, full of repressed feelings. A desperate embrace, as if trying to stop time before the end. One closed eyelid, and his tears on the point of betraying him.

Gintoki hid himself in the futon, his grip turning vicious on his friend’s hips. The slapping sound was ringing in the small room, along with their low sighs. He tried to slow down to a rhythm, going deeper every few thrusts, and Takasugi’s voice trembled. A full moan escaped him again, when Gintoki went full back to harder strokes, almost punishing. Takasugi’s head shot back and exposed his throat and Adam’s apple, mouth open and whines escaping him.

This was too much for him. His arms were trembling, but Gintoki used all of his strength to lift his friend once again and push him against the wooden wall. Takasugi gasped, caught some silver locks and lost all control of his voice. He asked for more, shaking his hips, called his name; while Gintoki went back to his neck, licking and sucking sweat away. Like marking him would change things, like he could truly save him just by fucking him.

Luckily, Gintoki was strong enough to only use one arm to lift him up, while the other one slipped along Takasugi’s side and circled his length. His stroking was uncoordinated, maybe too slack or too hard, he had no idea. But Takasugi was quivering, holding on to him like he was truly about to explode.

It was a matter of one minute or less. Takasugi, all bound up around him, suddenly became very silent, mouth open in a silent cry. He saw a tear roll on his cheek too. He choked, let out a very long whine, and then shudders as white coated Gintoki’s fingers. He kept on going, let him come all over his stomach, grinding his tip on his abdomen, all the while fighting to keep his eyes open and not lose a second of it.

Gintoki hadn’t followed yet, and Takasugi jumped under him. It had been terribly painful for Gintoki to keep himself in check, but he really wanted to hear more of Takasugi in this state. He needed more honest words, more sincerity between them. He wanted to hear it.

“We’re not done,” he told him, breathless. “I’m not done with you, Takasugi.” He chuckled. “I have to keep you awake anyway right? That’s what you wanted, right?”

His friend being almost unresponsive, Gintoki wondered if he had truly fucked him out of his mind, but a low voice, right against his ear, answered, “Don’t you dare stop.”

As he said that, his friend’s legs lost their grip and he slowly went to lay on his back once again. Gintoki leaned over, kissed his jaw to give him a little breather before going back to work. His friend’s erection had stayed red and hard, jumping with every punch on his most sensitive part.

“I’d hate to disappoint,” he said, like the smartass he was.

A few minutes afterwards, Gintoki realized he’d gotten way too greedy. Takasugi felt too good and while he wanted to give him more than two orgasms, he had overestimated himself. He was getting tired, covered in sweat and semen, and the sight of Takasugi pleasuring himself, licking his thumb and slowly stroking his cock, was too much.

“You… fucking tease.”

“Me?” he answered, almost grinning.

“Shut it. Can, can I come inside? Just choose, tell me where.”

Takasugi licked his lips, this breathing getting harder and hotter, as he looked at the man above him, desperation making him plead for his orgasm.

“Inside is a bother… except,” he added with a smirk. “If you clean after yourself.”

That was enough for him. Gintoki jumped in ecstasy, just picturing it. His fingers clenched on the thighs of his friend, as he spent himself inside of him. On his knees, eyes closed and hugging Takasugi’s thighs against him, he refrained a cry by biting his lip. He felt like a dog in a rut, like it was the first time in years he was relieving himself, his pleasure never stopping.

He was exhausted when he finished, and released the legs with trembling hands. He sat on his heels, stroking himself to ease off the painful feeling of coming so hard. He swallowed, and pled :

“Just a sec, please. I, need to catch my breath.”

Takasugi kept on jacking himself slowly, and used his other hand to go between his legs, then bringing it back to his tongue. Gintoki slowly moaned, because he had indubitably lost this game. He just submitted himself to it, sitting down properly and letting his friend push him on his back, then coming to straddle him just above his face.

“No running away this time, Gintoki.” Takasugi smiled, like the true villain he was, and caught his hair. “Time to clean.”

God knows how much time it took for them to really run out of stamina. Especially when him eating out Takasugi suddenly gave him a lot of strength back and he just told his friend to turn around, on his hands and knees. The second round was quicker, harder. Gintoki probably cried a little when he came again – which was fine, as long as Takasugi had no proof – but it left them too tired to even argue about them sleeping in the same bed, all sticky and sweaty and disgusting.

About to fall asleep, they bantered for a while. Takasugi told him to bring the sheet back, and Gintoki pretended to be asleep. A twist of his tender nipple got him out of the bed, hiding his chest like a maiden, and grumbling about sexual abuse. He dumped the cloth on his friend’s head while he put his underwear back on, and when he didn’t move, Gintoki just lowered the sheet to slip under. He had no excuse for sliding his arms around Takasugi’s middle, though.

Luckily, Takasugi was too exhausted to let Utsuro come out a second time. And even if that would've been the case, Gintoki was in the best position to make him leave by crushing his balls. Takasugi would have killed him for that, but hey, you only live once.

They didn’t exchange a word afterwards. Maybe a few teasing words about one’s oral fixation and the other’s nipple kink, but nothing much. It was best to just keep it inside, let the open wound close itself. There was no need to talk anymore. Everything had been said, in a sense. Now, they just had to wait for their story to be over.

A few hours after, the day was starting. They would soon arrive in Edo. They watched the shore getting closer, and when they started to disembark, Gintoki caught his friend’s sleeve.

“We’re here.”

“Yeah.”

“This is my home now, you know.”

Takasugi didn’t answer this time, waiting for more. He raised an eyebrow, and Gintoki forced through his embarrassment to mutter :

“It’s a real shame we never had a drink, both of us. And if you have to die soon, and we survive this, I…” He sighed. “Might as well catch up. I know some good cheap places.”

Takasugi stared at him for some long seconds. He shook his head, looked away. “If you feel like it,” he answered. “And you pay for the whole thing.”

“Greedy bastard. I’ve not forgotten that you still need to pay me back for that Yakult.”

“You can’t prove it.”

They bantered on their way to the Terminal, until they got separated, lost, then reunited at the top of the dilapidated tower. At that moment, Gintoki knew for certain they wouldn’t go for drinks later.

Gintoki was no hero, he still wouldn’t accept this idea. But when he finally found himself with a very best friend dying on his lap – god damnit – he knew he ought to listen for once. His smile must have looked fake, his eyes shiny, and his voice so weak. He still said the truth.

He hoped to find him again soon. He would not leave him alone this time. When they would meet again, probably in hell, they’d start again. Fight, argue, punch the other’s face. As long as they met again, everything was fine with him.

He saw Takasugi Shinsuke smile at him, and then close his remaining eye. It took him a hot minute to finally give up and look at the setting sun, while both relief and pain got out of his control.

Takasugi was gone. It hurt. And there was nothing he could have done anyway.

* * *

Gintoki waited hours, for the kids to go out to shop or simply take the dog on a walk. Thankfully, the monster created monster shits too, and Kagura decided that for once, she’d let mommy get a breather.

He waited to hear the entrance door close and for the girl’s steps to disappear, to finally open his drawer. The name of Sakamoto Tatsuma was written in a big font, like he was scared he’d miss the sender’s identity. The letter was thick, and the writing pretty small. Sakamoto loved to talk, after all.

The Yorozuya read slowly, as to not miss anything. He read a name that wasn’t his, because his friend found that hilarious and would probably never stop calling him Kintoki or Chintoki or whatever other dirty nickname he could come up with. He read about his master’s fate, now finally resting like he should’ve been doing for many years. He read about news from the kiheitai. He read about miracles.

When he finished reading, Gintoki let out a long sigh. He closed his eyes briefly, and turned his chair in the direction of his new window. The sky was clear. A few ships flying. Almost no clouds to be seen.

He remembered one paragraph he has just read.

_All things that happen in this world have causes and happen for logical reasons. So I do not think your being saved was a miracle. And I do not think a master protecting his disciples is a miracle. I believe that is something only natural._

Gintoki’s eyes hurt a little. Too dry, like he had almost cried too much. A sting, like it wouldn’t take much to start again.

He decided to smile instead. After all, he meant it this time.

**THE END**

_"If you believe, we will break through worlds, eras, and panels, to be there, and wipe away your tears."_

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I lied they don’t even share the smoke.
> 
> Happy birthday to the end of one of the most important piece of fiction of my entire life. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving those guys. I’ll never stop missing them too.
> 
> I guess I could’ve written something closer to Gintama’s themes, about the Yorozuyas, life, overcoming hardships and self hate. But Gintama chapter 703 still has me traumatized, and made Takasugi my second most beloved character in a series where I already adore all the cast.
> 
> Also, it’s no surprise I guess that most of GinTaka fanfics are not about a healthy relationship (and tbh mine is not either) but I kinda hate the idea that those two would hate each other when Sorachi screamed so loudly how wrong we were to think that way. It makes sense that most GinTaka were written before a lot of the reveals, but still, I’ve always wanted to include my own vision so here it is. Which is a lot of consensual and spicy sex.
> 
> I’ve cried a lot writing this fic and writing this simple note, so I won’t be long. Thank you for reading! All of my love to Sorachi, the manga world is so sad and colorless without him making fun of it.
> 
> ALSO, after two fics centered around death, don't worry, I have new ideas for Ferdibert fics (one OS and a longer fic), both are in a lot lighter tone too. If you like me going into pure angst, tho, I'll probably still go back to it one day don't worry www
> 
> You can find me on twitter, [@Papy1412](https://twitter.com/Papy1412)! Babbling and crying about Gintama is a big hobby of mine


End file.
